Contrast and CT Scans

So I thought I'd write something about the scans I get routinely, because some of them are kind of interesting.

The first few exams I had that I really don't do anymore are MRI and a Gallium scan. MRI is a pretty typical scan for all sorts of diagnosis processes, and it's really uninteresting except for the fact that it's a giant magnet. I don't have any interesting stories, but I'm sure the technicians who run the scans do, given that you have to empty your pockets down to the last penny before going into the room.

The Gallium scans were really interesting, they apply to certain types of cancers to detect abnormal growth. Simply, gallium is a radioactive element that clusters around cancer cells, so it would show high-density clusters on the scan. (I believe that's right, but IANAD) You have to get injected with about 10mL, if I remember correctly, two weeks or so before they do the actual scan. When I told people about this scan, the two questions they asked were 1. Since the half-life is quite quite long, does it stay in you forever?The answer is no, you pee it out, which leads to the second question, does your pee glow? (It does not) The Gallium scan I do have a funny anecdote about, I had a scan in 8th grade a few months into remission, and my Science teacher at the time, Mr. Thomas, was a great teacher who loved to get his students interested in science. He managed to get a Geiger counter (measures radiation for the few of those who don't know) from the high school because he wanted to see how radioactive I was.

We were joking about it, and he showed me about 3/4s up the meter was the level of radioactivity in the heart of Chernobyl, the Ukranian (ex-Soviet) nuclear plant that partially melted down decades ago. Mr. Thomas was not sure I'd register on the counter. I started outside the classroom, down the hall, and there was no activity. As I walked closer, the machine started to beep, and then to his utter shock, I stepped in the classroom, and the Geiger counter had maxed out. That's right, it had hit the top of the scale and was chirping. I recall seeing his eyes, totally surprised, and then his exclamation, "HOLY SHIT!" Unfortunately, I haven't really had one of those in 5 years or so, that was a fun test.

Oh, I remembered another little amusing story about the Gallium scans. One time when I went in for an exam, which were quite lengthy, I had to hold my arms in awkward positions for about an hour and fifteen minutes or so, I finished the exam and went to the ground floor at Strong Memorial Hospital. Before going into the parking garage, I told my mom I had to pee. At this point, I was probably 14-15. So I go into the bathroom, and I thought it was empty, because as I peed, I said in a Homer Simpson voice "Mmm...radioactive toilet..." to which the previously unseen doctor in the stall yelled, "WHAT?!" I booked it out of there.

CT scans are what I typically get now, usually once a year. They are pretty concise, though now I go to a private clinic after two horror sessions at the hospital, one in which I waited about 4 hours before they finally got around to scanning, and the other when they injected 300cc of contrast straight into my arm, instead of the vein. The plastic surgeons who visited me that afternoon (mandatory for hospital protocol) told me either my skin would start to fall off, or it would go away over a few weeks, and there wasn't really anything we could do except wait and see. Anyways, the scan takes about 20-30minutes, but the prep takes a long time. For my scans, I usually have to do 3 kinds of identifying procedures, all of which are odd.

The first is drinking contrast, over an hour period before the scan, every 10 minutes you have to drink a cupful. It used to be nasty, and I have to say they have done fine work over the last 10 years or so removing its' previous extreme objectionable flavor. Now it's just the creepy texture that annoys me, it's soupy but still liquid, a very odd substance. So once you finish drinking it, they take you in, put an IV in, and sometimes, do test #2. I've only had this once in a while, not recently I don't think, but it's just as odd. To get a better look at the neck region, I have to swallow this chunky pudding-like substance, that like the drinkable contrast, is not particularly offensive in flavor, but certainly the texture is revolting. And I like pudding too, it's something totally odd. You eat a bit in the room, and then later as they are administering the test.

Once that's said and done, you go into the room with the machine, about 1h30min after you arrived. You lay down, and the machine takes you in and out running a supercamera around you, as well as giving you instructions to hold your breath and such. To get the lymphnodes in my armpits, I have to hold my arms above my head the whole time which is pretty tiring, on a good day they give you a little pillow for it. It goes about 10minutes or so, and then they attach a machine to your IV and slowly pump usually 600cc of contrast dye into your bloodstream. This is probably the oddest part, the sensations you get as the dye courses through your body are bizarre, to say the least. You feel flushing warm, like suddenly you walked into a very humid very hot room. Then you feel like you taste metal in your mouth, and eventually, your nether regions become very flushed, moreso than the rest of your body. It kinda feels like you have to pee bad, and that you crapped your pants. That feeling lasts for about 5minutes before you kinda get used to it, and the scan lasts 10 more minutes or so. After, they take the IV out, give you something to drink (the drinkable contrast can damage your kidneys if not flushed out) and you go on your way home.

Reflections on Cancer

Having cancer was truly a life-altering existance. I remember when I first had visible signs of it, it was a large lump on my neck, in early March. Big one. I remember it showed up overnight and my mom was kinda concerned. At school my friends joked about it, and I went to the doctors. He said it was probably mono(nucleosis) and he ran a blood test. That was the first needle of probably hundreds.

I went to Boston on break, and the tests came back negative. They were kinda surprised, and so they decided to run some CAT/CT scans, MRI, etc. I was supposed to talk to my doctor 2 weeks later if it hadn't gone away. It ended up being 6 weeks later that we called him. It wasn't because of neglect, my family was just very busy.

So I got the scans and my first surgery, a biopsy, and I remember I was out of school a decent bit, just for the scans. I remember my good friend JD let me borrow some games that I could play. I vividly remember one night, playing 007 with my brother, when my parents called me upstairs. They were obviously distressed. It only meant one thing, and I already knew, by the tone of their voice.

"I have cancer, don't I." I asked.
They were both a bit teary and nodded.
"Damnit." I responded. I didn't think about it, went downstairs, and kept on playing 007 with my brother.

Telling people at school was interesting. Most of them laughed and told me that telling people I had cancer was a really cruel joke. When my teacher's told them it was true, they didn't talk to me for a while.

I was out for quite a while, talking to a oncologist (cancer-doctor) about what the "plan of action" would be. First, I would get a broviac, a tube coming out of my chest that connected to the main artery/vein(?), the Aorta. I still have it.

I started chemotherapy literally, as soon as I was out of the OR. I was wheeled out, felt quite odd from the drugs/anesthetic, and more drugs were given to help me against chemo.

I started to lose my hair. It was kinda funny actually, in 3 weeks it was like one of those Hair restoration commercials. Only in reverse. If I got annoyed at someone, I ripped (painlessly) a chunk of hair out and threw it at them. Nasty, but entertaining.

So I became bald. I remember, and I truly thank them for this, Brent Rassmussen and Richard Carmack shaved their heads, just for fun and so I wouldn't look so out of place. That was an amazing gesture and I really am thankful.

I missed most of spring from school, because of chemo usually twice a week. Most of my teachers let me by, didn't even make me do homework. I wouldn't have done it anyways because I didn't feel like it. Saying," I HAVE CANCER GIMME A BREAK" was a pretty legit excuse to anything at that point.

So school ended. Summer started and I was still doing chemotherapy. I threw up a decent amount, usually I'd hide it from my parents because I wanted them to think I was fine. Multiple times a day, everyday. It was not fun.

Even the days I didn't have poisonous chemicals being pumped into me, I was always in a state of 1/2-sleep. I slept usually 18 hours a day, sometimes more. Walking was tiring. Even playing the computer, was tiring, and multiple times my mom found me sleeping on the keyboard. This was how I spent my summer.

At the hospital where I went I met a buncha cool guys. One of them was nicknamed Left-nut, cause he was 15 and that was the only one he had. He had it far worse than me. He had an addition tube that went up his dick. And it got pulled, from the yells I heard. I don't know what happened to him, but I really hope he survived.

I never thought I was going to die. I couldn't understand it. Sure everyone thinks about dying, but never in the way I thought. I was in danger of dying, and honestly I don't think I've ever felt that way any other time, in my entire life. I had a very good survival chance, we had caught it relatively early. I remember always thinking pre-cancer that cancer was a death sentence. Anytime I heard that someone got it, I thought they would never live. I was lucky to have 3:1 survival odds.

Another heartfelt thanks I have goes to Teo. We've known each other since 4th grade, and on frequent occasions, he came with me to the hospital. It couldn't have been fun, I can't imagine. We played Gin Rummy with my mom or played a bit of N64, until I either got dizzy from watching or tired and fell asleep. Thank you Teo, it definitely brightened my day. On days he wasn't there, I'd play cards with my mom, watch a movie for the 19 billionth time, because I was sleepy and didn't remember it. (ie- Waynes World)

So that's how the summer continued. Because of the steroids I was on to keep me goin, I got fat. It melted away after treatment, and actually more than I gained melted off. That's how I became as I am now. A bit tall, and...well not skinny. I'm not skinny, but built isn't right either. Anyways, during my treatment, I met a lot of people, with cancer, formerly with cancer, etc. Cool people. I don't know how many of them lived on. Maybe I don't want to know. A lot of them it would be painful to find out weren't as lucky as I was.

I was supposed to get out of chemotherapy late August. The chemo had worked, but not good enough. I had to go through another month. That month was way harder than all of the previous ones. I think my exhausted body was ready to be finished, and an extra month was just something it wasn't ready for.
In mid-september, I finished, started growing hair back, etc. And then I started radiation treatment, except it was everyday. So I had all 3, Surgery, Chemotherapy, and Radiation. Radiation was not bad at all. There really were no major side effects, bad feelings etc. Except I got thrush in my throat (hurt like crazy) and it destroyed my thyroid gland. So I have to take Thyroid supplements for the rest of my life. Otherwise I get quite tired.

So after I finally finished everything, (October 27th) I was in remission. That was an awesome feeling. I remember literally, I was dancing in the parking lot in late October when I was released for the last time. It felt great. It was a crisp cool Autumn afternoon.

I started remission, which meant 3/6/12 month updates, scans, tests, etc. Yes I was radioactive, setting the Geiger counter all the way off the charts, that was way cool. (I was injected with Gallium) I have gotten out of a lot of school for the tests. Now, as I start my junior year, they become rarer and rarer, because I will soon hit the 3-year mark. I had one today. Usually I have to go to the hospital all day for 2 days. Let me tell you. I don't know why, but going to the hospital all day drains you like you couldn't believe. I do tennis, hot sun, 90 degrees sometimes, humid, and that leaves me tired. But the hospital leaves you drained. You can recoup after an hour or so after hard tennis. Checkup days leave you exhausted all day. I don't know if its the needles (I can't count how many I've had, easily over 50 I'd say) or what, but it's tiring.

Cancer changed my thinking. Radically. I really thought about death, occasionally. But most of all, right now, I'm actually a bit happy cancer happened to me. One of the nurse-practitioners, JoAnne Belle-Isle, once told me that I would actually one day be glad I had cancer.

Maybe I am. Everytime I play tennis and nail the ball, every bite of PBJ (crunchy peanutbutter) sunset, everytime I hang out with my friends, I think I appreciate it far more, having had cancer. It really is a thrill to live, and despite Homework, and some other crummy things, it is awesome. Having had cancer, walking through the forest through brown leaves in the autumn is so awesome. Hot dog days in the summer are nice, you learn to appreciate them. I appreciate cold winter days, especially when there is a snow day and you find out right after you wake up, so you can curl back up. Spring is awesome too. Rain is beautiful, the thunderstorms I love running out in, the new life, the flowers, the blooming trees, all of it is awesome.

I don't say all of this to earn pity, because I don't want it. 3 years ago when I was miserable, maybe yes I wanted it then. But now, because of my experience with cancer, I want to literally live each day out to the fullest. I want to do everything, even if it means biking over to someones house in the cold weather. I love walking around in the autumn, and coming home to a warm house.

To close up, I want to thank all of my friends and family that helped me through cancer that I haven't mentioned. Especially my mom. I know it sounds kinda lame, but I spent so much time with her, playing cards or watching movies she hated. I'd be nearly done with a round of cards, and I'd lean over, tired, and fall asleep in my chair. My mom would calmly pick up the cards and just wait till I woke up.

Thank you to all that I knew in 7th-8th grade. To all I know now, too. If there is ever anything you want to do, go running for no reason, go biking on a path you've never done before, ask me, whether play Capture the Flag, go rolling down the hills at Northside (as me, drew, and JD used to do), or go rompin' through the woods. A lot of people I used to be good friends with I don't do anything with anymore, and that's really a bummer.


Well someday maybe I'll expand on some parts. I don't know. I like the random quote I read somewhere about a 55-year old General who had accomplished quite a bit. Someone asked him if he was going to write an autobiography.

He said," No, because only part of my life is up. I would be robbing the people who would buy it of half-of the story."